Fire?

Here are a couple of emails I sent out from ma days in Nam.  I've taught in many a fucked up scenario of a school, but this one seemed fairly 'normal', until we had our fire drill.....

At school today we're having out first ever fire alarm practice.  OH..........MY..........GOD.

When I asked "Oh, so, what do we do?  Where do we gather?"

One fellow teacher said "Practice to run!"

Then the head of my department told me that they're setting fire to some rubbish at the entrance to the school.  They're locking that door, so we all have to 'run' out of the side door.  A very small door it is.  At the side of the school.

SO.......they're actually going to MAKE A fire, light it outside the entrance of the school, lock the door & force us to squirm 200 kids and 50 teachers out of a side door.  In a country that doesn't have the word "queue" in it's vocabulary.

I told them that in most instances I'd presume a fire in a school might be in the science lab or kitchen.  Not out side at the front entrance.  They all looked at me blankly.

Then I said "What about if there's actually a fire one day?  The kids are all going to rush for the side entrance - the one that's 'between the kitchen and the science lab'.

Then I sent this, about the actual fire alarm itself:

So....I wrote telling you about the 'fire drill practice' at my school yesterday.  Now I'm gonna tell you what happened.  Oh my fuck.

So the alarm went off for about 3 seconds and it was really quiet, so nobody noticed it at first.  Then all of a sudden (cos the teachers in the classrooms must've said to the kids it was the fire alarm - I was in the office)  there was this almighty ROAR and SCREAMS of the kids AND teachers (bearing in mind the teachers knew it was a practice).  They were screaming "FIRE!!!!  FIIIIIRE!!!  FIRE!!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGH!!!!"  over and over and over and I'm not kidding, it was literally MAYHEM.  They were ALL, the WHOLE SCHOOL, knocking kids down, whacking people out of the way, screaming, punching, some of them crying wildly.  It was mental.  Your WORST fire nightmare if there was ever gonna be a fire in a school.

So they were BATTLING to get out of the only un-locked exit.  Smoke was BILLOWING in the building, cos it's 30 degrees outside (86 F) so the windows were open and all the teachers in the English office (I'm the only foreign teacher) were giggling and SO excited.

We left about 15 mins after the alarm had sounded, cos it was way too crazy to try and get out while the kids were all fighting to get out of the one exit.  T-shirts on our faces cos the smoke in the building was insane.

So, outside....

....the students AND teachers were running round like fuckin headless fuckin chickens.  It was WILD.  Screams, kids laying on the floor with black eyes, 2 broken arms, one of them went to hospital cos he got trampled (5 year old - we have kindergarten up to 19 year olds) but still, they're all loving it SICK.

Then Trang (head of English department) said "Ok, I have to go save a girl now!" brightly! All the English teachers clapped, as they do here.  I'm like "What? Save who?  Why?"

"Oh Miss Julia.  It's OK.  Don't you make the worrying.  But some students have to pretend they are dying from the fire and Miss Trang will practice saving them."

Trang came back and we said she was quick (not that kids needed to pretend they were hurt, we actually did have kids who were hurt AND the chemicals they used to create the fire AT THE FRONT ENTRANCE that they'd LOCKED, was blowing into the building, as the fire had gone out, but the chemicals and smoke was making us all cough and feel sick) so I said to her "That was a quick save!"  she replied "Oh, she saved herself.  I don't know where she is."

Whatever that meant?

So THEN, like 10 minutes later, the youngest class of kindergarten kids mooch out the door.  I'm like "WHAT!?!?  You're all DEAD!  You'd be DEAD!" the teacher's looking at me and giggling saying "We is having a nap.  We no hear the alarm."

So that's the kindergarten fucked in an emergency!  HA!!??!!

Then next minute, there's a camera crew with VTV (Viet TV) and Son, the P.E./Science/Swimming instructor who can't swim himself, goes PELTING down the road with a whistle (bear in mind next to our school is a hotel and some posh apartments and they're ALL out, watching the commotion) The kids are still running riot, some were going back in the building, NOBODY did ANY kind of head count or safety check to see if all people were there - it was just honestly, I can't describe to you the CHAOS.  Kids running EVERYWHERE AND THE TEACHERS.  SCREEEEAAAMING in exuberation.

So next minute, Son's coming back to the school with a fuckin "WOOOOO-OOOO! WOOOOO-OOOO!" behind him.......the fire brigade arrived..........!!!????????!!!!!  I didn't even know Hanoi had a fire engine!  ha!

There was no fire anymore, just chemical smoke.

The kids and teachers see the fire engines, the VTV cameras and go fuckin APE SHIT.  They're going fuckin OFF.  Screaming, waving, jumping, rugby tackling each other....the lady teachers are SQUEALING at the marital opportunity that has arisen (the firemen) they're putting on lipstick and literally SCREAMING like they were at a fuckin New Kids On the Block Concert.  It was out of control.

Next minute (don't forget, windows are open on the school) they BLAST water from the VERY STRONG and POWERFUL hose, all over the front of the school.............all over us.

We were DRENCHED and some of the kids were falling over in the power of the edge of the blast that was SATURATING out classrooms.  

This made everyone scream with DELIGHT!  They were SO excited, it was like they were at some circus!?!?

They're cheering the fire brigade on....just mad.

Then they sprayed the apartments!?!?  Then they sprayed it directly up in the air and it was POUNDING down on us.  Like hard hail.  Insane.

Then the fire brigade came forward and bowed, then left and that.........was our fire drill practice.